rearranging my life

i am disappointed sometimes in how much effort i made for his convenience, for him to be able to spend time with me.  now it seems utterly one-sided in the efforts – he just had to show up or not – , but it felt ‘only fair’ at the time, because he had a job and life to manage, and i (somehow in my head) didn’t – i just had free time, even though i did have school and a job and a life.  but i rearranged so much in order to make him, essentially, my life.  that i did it for someone who so totally did not love me, is saddening… or something like that.

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